What Happens When Witch Isn't OnScreen
by celestial dragon rider
Summary: Find out what happens when you aren't watching them.... what they say, how to annoy them, what could be more fun?, what happens when they're bored, and what goes down when they meet a celebrity, our fave HSM honey!
1. Chest Hair

**Hello again! I was bored...again. Read and review!**

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**What Happens When W.i.t.c.h. Isn't On Screen**

**(What U Don't Know About You Fave Guardians and Friends)**

**Part I: Will's Fantasy**

**Will:**I know Matt likes me.

**Will's mom:** No he does not! He's too mature for u!

**Will:** No he isn't!

**Will's mom:** He's an immature dork!

**Will:** Exactly! No! Did he hear me?

**Will's mom: **No he did not, u ignorant girl!

**Aldarn:** Will, kiss me u fool!

**Will:** Aldarn, go away! I need some down time.

(Suddenly, a visitor arrives!)

**Matt:** Hi, Will.

(Will squeals like a pig)

**Aldarn:** Oh! Get out of here! This is our honeymoon, u stupid band person! I hate you!

**Matt:** Chill, crazy little boy.

**Aldarn:** I am SO not a boy! I am a rebel! And look- I've got chest hair, baby!

**Matt: **Yeah, like one.

**Aldarn:** No! There's three! One, two, oh yeah, there's only like two or something.

**Will:** Aldarn! Stop counting your meager chest hairs! Matt!! I love you!!!! Marry me?

**Aldarn:** No, Will! I love you like my mom! And my grandma! Please take me!

**Will: **No, I can't.

**Aldarn:** What? ... you just turned down THE Aldarn? Do you know who I am?

**Will:** Yeah, a dork.

**Aldarn:** No!!! I hate u! Wahhhhh!! My mom will not let u get away with this!! I love u!!!!!!!

**Will: **Matt- Ur so hot! Go with me to prom? Even though ur older than me? Ur so hotttt!

**Martin:** Hey, I'm Martin!- I'm hot and Irma says I am!

**Irma: **Shut up, Martin!! That was our secret!!

**Matt:** I am so much better looking! Who needs chest hairs when you have a goatee? Yeah, baby!

**Will: **Totally, hottie! Martin, u have a big head and I'm not afraid to admit it.

**Nigel: **And I'm Nigel and I have three... and a half chest hairs!!!! Wanna see?

**Will: **No.

**Caleb:** Hey. I have four! Wait ! Five! He's comin' in! Look at that little sucker! Also, I am _the Rebel Leader! _C'mon girls!

**Cornelia: **Oh Caleb, ur so hot and totally awesome!

**Caleb:**(Puffing out his chest heroically) Oh, thanks Cornelia. U always did like me, didn't u?

**Cornelia: **Like, yeah, totally! I totally like u! Martin, u have a big head and my man's got five sexy chest hairs. Burn.

**Will: **OH YEAH, Cornelia, this is Eric! And he has six sexy chest hairs!

**Aldarn, Matt, Martin, and Caleb: **No u don't'! Ur younger than us!

**Irma:** Martin, you'd better start growing more hair else I'll dump u for that scrawny little Eric!

**Martin: **C'mon baby!

**Irma: **I meant what I said Martin Sexy Chest Hairs Tubbs!!!

**Will: **Go back to bed, Irma. This is my dream! This is my fantasy! These are my boyfriends! With chest hairs! Get out! Get out! I'll throw my froggy pillow at you! Run!!!!!!!

**Cedric:** Hey! I'm Cedric and I have seven, all u little boys! And u better believe it!

**Phobos:** Yeah, he really does!

**Cornelia: **Okay, that is gross, Phobos! And why are you even here? You're evil! Although very good-looking...

**Caleb: **Honestly, Cornelia!(They start bickering, then start kissing.)

**Irma: **I hate all of u. I'm leaving this madhouse!

**Will:** Come back Irma! Let me finish out my dream. I am not going to be stuck here watching Cornelia kissing Caleb and guys counting their stupid chest hairs! I think I'm having a nervous breakdown!!! Get me my froggy pillow! I need to scream!

**Irma:** OK. I'm definitely leaving. Hey Martin, wanna catch a movie?

**Martin: **Sure.

**Will: **I cannot take this anymore!

**Will's mom:** Will, wake up, it's time for school!

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Hoped you like it! New chappie will be up if I get reviews!


	2. How to Annoy the Rebels

Hi again! Here's chapter 2! I hope you like it!!!!!!

HUGE thank you to Chelsea Wellhord, who came up with a TON of ideas for this chapter!!!!!!!!! She is a genius, in comedy and romance! Check out her stories:

Calebeo & Corneliette- totally awesome romance; CxC, of course.

Love Is Forever- another cool CxC romance, showing that true love has hardships to overcome.

Guardians, Unite!- a MyScene/W.i.t.c.h. crossover

And she co-writes with **gothgirl2 **on the W.i.t.c.h. story "Missing."

So check them out, people!!!!!!!! And R and R this chappie!!!!!

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Chapter 2: How to Get On the Cast of W.i.t.c.h.'s Nerves (for funsies!)

The Rebels:

•Tell Caleb you know that he has erotic dreams about Cornelia every night.

•Steal Caleb's teddy bear. Blame it on Blunk. Watch Caleb beat Blunk up. (He'll do it; I know he will!)

•Tell Aldarn that you know about his crush on Frost and that they make a cute couple. When he yells that he's not gay, tell him that Caleb told you that info. Enjoy watching a Caleb/Aldarn fistfight. If you want to take it a step farther, make sure that Phobos is watching, then insist that they are both gay.

•Invite Caleb to a five-hour Britney Spears concert. When he refuses, tell him Cornelia is there and that she loves Britney Spears's music. When he returns from the concert, run. Run as fast as you can.

•Reveal to the Rebels that their weapons were made in China.

•Tell Drake that you know he likes Sumomo and that they look adorable together.

•Tell Drake that Sumomo has a secret crush on Vathek and after he kicks Vathek's butt (or vice versa) reveal to him that you confused Sumomo with Kotako. (Both are characters from Chobits.)

•Run away fast as he tries to kick YOUR butt.

•Steal Caleb's sword. Blame Blunk. Enjoy watching him kick Blunk's butt. Again.

•Yell to Drake that you saw Irma making out with Aldarn and you're very grossed out, but it still doesn't dampen your suspicions of Aldarn's gayness.

•Finally, go to the Infinite City yelling through the halls that you just saw Julian making out with Nerissa and that he's gone evil. Also yell that Aldarn is gay. If you want to take it farther, tell them that Phobos has started on-line dating and that he will soon find an ugly street woman to have an evil love child. Also state that Aldarn is gay.

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Well, I hoped you liked it. Review, please!!!!!!! And again, check out Chelsea Wellhord's stories!!! They are awesome!!!!!!! Also, Aldarn is gay.


	3. HSM

**ME: **Hey again!

**EVERYONE:** groan.

**MATT:** What, are you here to make fun of my goatee again???

**ME:** No, this time I'm going to pick on Caleb.

**CALEB:** Isn't it enough that you made Eric have more chest hairs than me???? I suppose now you're going to say that MATT beat me in combat??? Come on!!!!

**MATT:** I resent that!!!

**ME:** Just shut up. I'll write whatever I want about you. Because on this computer, I am THE MAN. And nobody messes with THE MAN. Capiche??

**CORNELIA:** Really? How about some arm wrestling, then???

**ME:** I am not going to fight with figments of my imagination.

**CORNELIA: **I'm bored. Caleb, you're boring, too. Hey Matt, wanna go to the movies with me??

**MATT:** Whatever. I'm bored with Will anyway.

**WILL: **I guess that leaves us together, Caleb...(Flutters eyelashes. Caleb goes and barfs in the nearest trash can.)

**ME:** NO! THAT PAIRING WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE!!! CxC 4EVER!!!!!!!!!! And now, to write the story. Guess what, you guys?? You're going to meet Zac Efron!!! (Evil Laugh)

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**Chapter 3: HSM**

(_In the basement of the Silver Dragon)_

**Hay Lin:** Can't we go down to Starbucks? I really need something to get me going! (Starts to hop up and down in her seat.)

**Irma:** (Points at Hay Lin) You, Hay Lin, are already going, even when you're sleeping. Which doesn't seem to make sense, but for you, it's true.

(Hay Lin giggles and cuddles up with Eric who has a high-caffeine soda in his hand. He starts to hand it to her, but gets stopped by Taranee.)

**Taranee:** Do you even know how much caffeine and sugar and carbohydrates are in here? (Points at the rainbow-colored soda can.) It's like get a bag of sugar and pouring it down your throat!

**Hay Lin:** All the more reason to eat it, then!

**Caleb: **NO! DON"TE LET HER HAVE IT!

**Irma:** And why does Rebel boy not want Hay Lin to have soda?

**Caleb: **(Pants nervously) Because one time, when she was designing that tent for me to wear, she drank some evil drink and she started to talk like crazy. And she literally bounced off the walls. LITERALLY! She had this rubber suit on, and she was bouncing all over and all the while, she was talking. TALKING! It was the worst experience of my life.

**Will: **You mean worse than Mudslugs? (She shivers.)

**Caleb: **Yeah. Worse than that.

**Cornelia: **And worse than when my powers went wacky on you? (Giggles.)

**Caleb: **Yeah, worse!

**Irma: **And worse than when Aldarn pledged his undying lo-

**Caleb: **OKAY, MOST DEFINITELY NOT WORSE THAN THAT!

**Cornelia: **Yeah, that was a funny one. You should have seen his green face!

**Hay Lin: **So if you guys won't let me have soda, then you will let me do something nice for you, right?

**Matt**(who was fingering his goatee, trying to look like Apolo Anton Ohno, but he couldn't pull it off) Whatever.

**Hay Lin: **Are you ready for the announcement?

**Eric:**YEAH! I'M READY!

**Hay Lin: **You already know it, Eric.

**Eric: **Okay. What is it?

**Matt: **(still doing the things I said above): Get on with it.

**Hay Lin: **Okay, I've gotten us tickets to see-

**Irma: **Boy Comet Live!

**Hay Lin: **No, even better! We're going to see-

**Cornelia: **Vance Michael Justin in concert!

**Hay Lin: **No, and he doesn't sing.

**Cornelia: **Yeah, he does. I spend many lonely nights ALONE (looks reproachfully at Caleb) on my computer at Vance's website, and he HAS started to sing.

**Hay Lin: **But, the tickets are for: (Eric does a drumroll) HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL **IN CONCERT!**

**Eric: **gasp! That is so awesome! I like the Mexican girl!

**Will: **Oh, oh, oh, I...I think I'm going to faint...

**Taranee: **Is it something from Meridian? A portal?

**Will:** Zac...Efron!!!!!!!!!

**Taranee: **Oh. What a disappointment.

**Cornelia: **Well, that's too bad for you, Willhelmina, because they couldn't get Zac to go on tour with them. That's so sad. (Places hand on her heart and sniffles.) Long nights alone. Don't ask.

**Caleb: **Oh, waaah, I have to sit alone at my safe home, while my hot boyfriend stays in Meridian saving it. EVERY DAY! Oh, and I LOVE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!

**Hay Lin: **SO, LET'S GO!

**EVERYONE:** YEAH!

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Next chapter find out what happens at the concert. And yeah, this is a random story. So review or no Chapter 4!


	4. Zac Efron!

**Me:** I'm BACK! YEAH! So, here's what happens when WITCH meets Zac Efron. And even though Zac isn't on tour, yah, they still meet him.

**Caleb:** NO! WILL THINKS HE'S MORE HANDSOME THAN ME!

**Me:** But you don't like Will! (He can't, he can't!)

**Caleb:** (relaxing) Yeah, but I've got to retain my sexiness. And also, it keeps the WxC writers going.

**Me: **You are so crazy. But I love ya, anyways! Gotta write now, Mr. C. Ha! That rhymes with Mr. T!

**Caleb:** If I were you, I would not be tossing around the word "crazy".

**Me: **Shut up.

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Chapter 4: Zac Efron! ;)

(Standing in line at the HSM concert)

**Will: **OMG! I cannot believe I'm going to see a fake Zac Efron! I bet he's almost as hot as the original!

**Cornelia: **He's not. Long nights.

**Caleb:** So, let me get this straight. On Earth, you wait in line for hours and pay loads of money to go to a dumb concert to see someone PRETENDING to be a real famous person?

**Hay Lin:** Well, YEAH! I love doing that!

**Eric:** (distracted by a stick on the sidewalk) What? What did I miss?

**Hay Lin:** You didn't miss anything, Eric.

**Eric: **Okay. So what did I miss?

**Irma:** I think you forgot to take your pills today, Eric.

**Eric:** Oh, thanks for reminding me! I'll write myself a note to take them later. (Gets out a sticky note and a pencil, writes 'PILS' on the note, and sticks it to his forehead.)

**Irma:** Ouch.

**Will:** Shut up! I think I can hear the fake Zac Efron!

**Cornelia: **Will, honestly, you can be so annoying. Would you just shut up? I hate redheads.

**Will: **What's up your caboodle?

**Cornelia: **Caboodle? Is the redhead leader too afraid to cuss?

**Will: **The Oracle told me it's not proper for a Guardian to have a foul mouth.

**Cornelia: **Well, tell the Oracle he can blow it out his-

**Caleb: **Seriously, what's wrong with you today, Cornelia?

**Cornelia: **Can I please have some support here, Caleb?

**Caleb: **Oh, I thought you already got enough of that from your padded bra! They don't call us C and **C **for nothing!

**Cornelia: **I will ignore that comment, Mr. I'm-From-Meridian-But-Still-Take-Advantage-Of-Earth's-Beauty-Products-Such-As-Toner-From-The-Avon-Catalogs! So last night, something happened.

**Caleb: **Like, you went to sleep? (Thinking: _How did she find out about my raspberry vanilla toner?!?! It keeps my skin glowing fresh!)_

**Cornelia: **NO! It was something else. So, I was getting into my Victoria's Secret nightgown-

**Caleb (thinking): **_So she does have that. I thought Aldarn stole it from her..._

**Cornelia: **And here comes Zac Efron! He was like in a cloud, and he was eating something...

**Irma: **Like his dignity?

**Cornelia: **No. And this was a vision from the future...and in the future, Matt hurt Zac Efron! So that's why I'm pissed off. Especially at Matt and redhead. Did I mention I hate redheads?

**Matt: **Whatever. So we're at the ticket booth. (Hands tickets and goes into the stadium where tons of dumb fans are screaming.)

**Hay Lin: **OH, YEAH! I'M SO HYPER! (Screams)

**Irma: **Wow. She finally realized the obvious. Now if we can just get Aldarn to ADMIT that he's gay...

**Caleb: **Hey, I think I see the blonde jerkwad with the gay brother! That's weird. He moves his hips more than she does. Maybe I should try and get his number for Aldarn...

**Cornelia: **Hey, can someone give Will and me a boost up to the stage so we can beat up the Mexican girl?

**Will: **I thought you hated me.

**Cornelia: **Well, yeah, I do, but out combined hatred for the girl who was kissed by Zac Efron is more than my hatred for you alone. Got it? Now let's beat up the Mexican girl!

**Caleb: **Are you Republicans or something? 'Cause you seem to have a problem with immigrants and prejudice.

**Cornelia: **NO! GO BARACK OBAMA! YOU ROCK! Hilary's a bitch. But anyway, where did you get schooled on Earth politics?

**Caleb: **Long nights on raids with a stolen book. Don't ask. Many desires...You get pretty desperate out there, all alone, in the middle of the wasteland, especially when you have...wants. Cornelia, I love you.

**Cornelia:** I love you too, Calebear.

**Will:** Commence with the lifting onto the stage and beating up smiley "Baby Come Back To Me" girl!

**Matt: **Okay! Except, let's all go! I'd like to beat up the fake Zac Efron!

**Caleb:** Me, too. He has no respect for flippy hair!

**Irma:** And what kind of conditioner do you use, Rebel?

**Caleb:** Body Envy by Herbal Essences. Duh. How do you think this magnificent mud-brown hair defies gravity so well?

**Irma: **Oh, we just thought you had very good genetics, hair wise. Did you see how long Nerissa's hair was?

**Caleb:** It was a weave.

**Irma: **Wow. That explains so many things. Guess who else has a bit of hair not belonging to them?

**Taranee: **I just realized, I haven't spoken until now. And I really don't have anything more to say. So I'll be quiet now.

**Cornelia: **Okay, okay, do you honestly think I could keep my hair this long without a bit of hair not my own? But I know two other people who have a bit of foreign hair, too. Their names start with C and M.

**Caleb: **I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you guys that 'Caleb' actually starts with a K? So all the CxC writers are now CxK writers!

**Cornelia: **'Kaleb' has a hormone deficiency. And somebody's goatee is actually elephant hair.

**Matt: **Will, it's not true!

**Will:**_ EW!_ I've been kissing elephant hair!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

**Cornelia:** Oh, get over it, Elephant Girl. Let's go backstage!

(The group climbs onstage. Cornelia pushes 'Gabriella' off the stage while the W.i.t.c.h. girls cheer. Then they sneak backstage.)

**Cornelia:**(dusting herself off, standing up straight, and adjusting bra.) Well, what do we do now?

**Caleb:** We steal rich people food!

**Cornelia: **Sounds good to me.

**Irma:** I think we should go down this hallway (points down a darkened hallway). I hear music playing down there.

(They go down the hallway and arrive in a room.)

**Will:** IT'S** ZAC EFRON!** I LOVE YOU!

**Zac: **Yeah, me too.

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Yeah! Cliffhanger! If there can be a cliffhanger in this kind of crazy story. So review!!!!! See that little button in the corner that says GO. Yeah, press it. Closer, closer, closer!!!!!! GOGOGOGO!!

Any ideas are welcome. Flames will be sent to a factory to make Atomic Fireballs. Then I will eat them. Thanx! ;)

**Me: **Click the button! Click it! Click it!

**Caleb: **Pay no attention to the crazy girl. CDR, it's time for your nap now. See you next time. And remind me to give her her pills tomorrow. Thank you. And yes, I am amazingly hansome. Here's my number:

555-NEVER-GONNA-HAPPEN-CUZ-CALEB-IS-2-HOTT-4-U!

**Caleb: **Seriously, that's my number. Don't let it fall into the wrong hands. And PLEASE, DON'T LET ALDARN GET IT! I'm too hott and ungay for him! Plus, Cornelia would be SO jealous.

**Me: **Caleb, may I please talk just a little more?

**Caleb: **Whatever.

**Me: **Okay. So, did you guys watch Dancing With the Stars? It was AWESOME! Apolo won! I LOVE APOLO! Suck it, Joey Fat One! I love Apolo!


	5. The Closet

Here it is. I hope that once again it leaves people laughing but also going,"That girl is crazy. It's a good thing that Caleb is her caretaker." The WxK writers and CxK writers alike. And those who love Zac Efron and hate the girl who was kissed by him on the cheek (Disney kisses. Yeah, it's sad, isn't it?), who didn't even deserve that, who pretty much every girl who isn't crazy hates (If you do like her, go. Just go. LEAVE NOW. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.).

Once again, HUGE thanks to Chelsea Wellhord, who is the wonderful co-writer of this story! And to Bla8 for the OJ and PB joke and also Matt's grudge against Zac.

And now, R&R pleez!!!

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Chapter 5: The Closet

**Will:** OMG! I can't believe that...that...right there is ZAC EFRON!!!!! Phobos would go whacko! Somebody should call him and smoosh it in his face!

**Cornelia:** It's rub it in his face, Willy. And they say blondes are dumb.

**Caleb:** Zac!!!! I love you!!! I mean, ahem, ALDARN loves you! Can I get your autograph???? You know, now that I think of it, Mom would love to be here right now. I should text message her! (Caleb pulls out a cell phone and starts typing furiously.)

**Nerissa:** (She appears suddenly in the middle of the room.) Da-da-da-da!!!!!! I'm here! And where is that little flippy-haired heartthrob???

**Zac:** Who's that?

**Irma:** That's you, Zac.

**Zac: **Okay. (Returns to eating peanut butter and drinking orange juice and watching the Fairly OddParents.)

**Irma:** And why are you backstage instead of performing?

**Zac:** Oh, I'm so rich and famous that I don't have to. Plus, I'd probably go deaf because of the screams.

**Will:** (Jumps up on the chair next to Zac Efron's) Zac, can I do anything for you? (Twists hair, licks lips, and tries not to fall off.)

**Zac:** Well, grow out your hair, dye it, get your ears pierced, grow about ten bra sizes, get a face lift, pay me some money, and I'll think about a cheek kiss. Or if the director says so.

**Will:** Hey Caleb, can you dress up as a director and tell Zac to kiss me? Only instead of a cheek kiss can you tell him to make it French? No, wait, German!!!

**Caleb:** What's up with all these ethnic kisses? And what's a German kiss?

**Cornelia:** I can show you, Calebear.

**Caleb: **Please stop calling me that. It harms my...manitude, okay?

**Cornelia:** Okay. But I'll stop doing it for a French, okay?

**Caleb:** YEAH! Even though I don't know what that is.

**Nerissa:** Oh, no you don't, you blonde whore!!!! Keep your hands off my boy!!! Okay, that sounded wrong. Just keep your hands off my boy... from a mother's perspective.

**Will:** So, a German kiss is simply a touching of the gums.

**Zac:** Ew. (He spills OJ and it goes into the peanut butter. He mixes it around and then eats some.)

**Irma: **Yeah, you know, that's probably the definition of 'ew'.

**Taranee:** You know, I haven't said anything again. I'll shut up, again.

**Will:** How about a German, Zaccy?

**Matt: **Come on!!! Will, what do I have to do for you? Caleb and Zac? Why can't you just stay with me? Baby come back to me! (Turns to Zac) Dude, I have a serious problem with you!!! Cause, guess what? I don't get to stay backstage eating peanut butter and drinking orange juice while my band is on! And I'M handsome and hot and a good singer!!!!

**Irma:** Well, in that case, because you're hot, or you think you are, and you can sing, then your brain is going to turn to mush!

**Caleb:** HAHAHAHA!!!!!

**Matt:** Oh, you think that's funny, Rebel Boy? I know combat!!!!

**Caleb:** Uh, yeah, because I taught it to you.

**Matt: **(Sputtering) Well...then...I'll give Aldarn a Razr and your phone number!!!!

**Caleb:** Oh, NO!!!!! 555-CALEB-IS-2-HOTT-4-YOU!!! Oh, yeah, but you're too late on the phone thing. He already got a Crazr.

**Matt: **You mean there's cell service in Meridian?

**Caleb:** Well, duh. How do you think Phobos knows when there's a robe sale at J.C.Penny? Or how Aldarn calls Jeffrey, his gay friend who works at K-Mart? And how do you think the Rebels order food supplies from Wal-Mart? AND HOW DO YOU THINK I GET MY AVON RASPBERRY VANILLA TONER?!?!?!?!?

**Nerissa:** And how do you think I pre-order Victoria's Secret lingerie for Phobos????? (Giggles) He likes me in pink!!!!

**Cornelia:** I could seriously have done without that mental image!!!!!!! I need therapy!!!!

**Will:** I think you needed it before, too, Corny.

**Cornelia: **Will, I hate you. And you don't deserve Caleb (or Kaleb) or Zac. ESPECIALLY ZAC!

**Caleb:** What? That hurts me on the inside, Cornelia!

**Cornelia:** I still love you, Calebear.

**Caleb:** WHY???????

**Will: **(to the tune of 'Breaking Free') I'm feeling

alone

nothing can stop me from crying all night

I love you, oh Zac, why don't you marry me and ditch out on black-haired Barbie?

**Zac:** Well, you're not a Barbie and my bedtime's at 8:00.

**Will:** I hate you! You just ruined the rhythm of the song.

**Zac: **Well, you shouldn't even be singing that song. You sound awful!

**Will: **Well, then be my boyfriend!

**Matt: **NO! WILL! WHAT CAN I DO TO PLEASE YOU???????

**Zac: **Whoa, hey man, I've already got a girlfriend.

**Will:** Who? That little Barbie doll from your stupid musical, or Dora the Explorer?

**Zac:** Actually, her name is Hilary Duff.

**Will: **No! I hate you!!!

**Cornelia:** Will! Don't hurt him! He's Zac Efron!

**Will:** How could you like that scary freak blonde meany?!?!?!?!?!?

**Aldarn: **Ohhh! Zac! Loved the movie. You were so rockin' sweet and I loved the hair! Allow me to introduce myself. Aldarn.

**Caleb: **Who called Aldarn? Come on. This is scary. Is there a therapist here?

**Will: **How could u like Hilary? I thought u totally like not liked her.

**Zac:** And how would u know that?

**Will: **Well, according to theses teen magazines it says you're only interested in girls with the same interests as u.

**Zac: **We do have the same interests.

**Will:** No! She's a terrible singer and ugly! Ugly! I am so pretty compared to her. If u could only know how much I love you. I have a picture of you above my bed and have my own personalized t-shirt that say I Heart Zac Efron! It cost me a fortune, you ungrateful sexy beast!!! Move out, Brad Pitt, 'cuz there's a new guy in town who's a thousand times hotter than you!! who happens to like Hilary who is worth more than the "Big Lip."

**Zac:** Whatever. Do you want to be in High School Musical 2? Deal...or no deal?

**Will: **You're too cute to watch mediocre TV with bald guys on it. (Zac glares at her.) Fine. Deal.

**Aldarn: **OHHHHH! Zac! Come back! I want another kiss! OH! I love you! Give me an autograph! I want to be Dora the Explorer this time!!!!

**Cornelia: **Aldarn, go away.

**Zac: **Cornelia, be nice. (Turns to Aldarn.) Okay, Aldarn. Sing us a ditty.

**Aldarn: **Well, I actually hadn't prepared anything, but I guess I'll give it a shot. Okay. Ahem. Okay. Whewwww. Okay. Breathe in, breathe out.

**Zac:** Get on with it, Aldarn!

**Aldarn: **Okay! Here I go! (Swings arms out) We're soarin'! Flyin'! There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach! (Screeches) OhhhHH!!! Baby!

**Zac: **Stop, Aldarn, just stop!

**Aldarn: **So what did you think?

**Zac: **I think you stank! I think the WHOLE SONG sucked!!!! Worse than Paris Hilton's CD, and that was a bad one.

**Aldarn: **Oh. (Sobs.) But I'm pretty like her, right?

**Zac: **Of course you are. You have the same big nose. Now go away.

**Aldarn: **Okay. You give me hope for my future career as an actor.

**Zac: **Whatever.

**Will:** Please, Zac!!! I love you!!!!!!!!!

**Zac: **Leave me alone! Just leave me alone! I quit!!!!! I'm not going to do HSM 2!!!! I just can't!!!! Caleb, do you want to play me??

**Caleb:** (shrugs) Sure. Just as long as we can work Phobos in as the school jerk and I can beat him up!!

**Zac: **I don't know who that is, but whatever.

**Will:** NO! Zac! You have to be Troy again so you can unite girls all around the world with hatred for the Barbies and love for you!!!

**Zac:** Fine. I'll give you deal. I won't be in the movie, but I'll direct it. Deal or no deal?

**Cornelia: **But then we can't see your face—

**Zac:** Deal, or no deal?!?!?!?!?

**Cornelia: **Fine, deal. I guess it's better than nothing. And stop watching that show!!!!!!!

**Zac: **Oh! But it's so exciting! The suspense! The bald guy asking questions and then the hot ladies opening the suit cases and everyone's like, "Ooh!" or "Aah."It's such an emotional tugger. It really touches me, you know. In here. Right here. (Taps appendix.)

**Cornelia:** In your appendix?

**Zac:** No, right here. In my heart. (Taps appendix again.)

**Cornelia: **That's your appendix.

**Zac:** Well, where's my heart then? I suppose it's up in my chest?

**Cornelia:** Actually, yeah, it is Einstein. You know, if you weren't so hot I'd think you were just plain stupid.

**Zac:** So that's why the teachers always got mad at me whenever I was saying the pledge. They'd always be like, "Zac, honey, does your tummy hurt?" or,"Are you having troubles going the bathroom or something,"or,"It's a good thing you're cute or we'd think something was mentally wrong with you," and I'd be like,"Babe, this is called style."

**Irma:** So, pretty boy, tell me where your brain is.

**Zac:** Duh, it's in my chest. Whenever I'm feeling dumb—

**Cornelia: **That's always.

**Zac:** — I touch right here (taps heart) and I feel smarter. Like a new man or something. Yeah.

**Irma:** Wow, that was so touching and deep. Like your brain was squished in when you were a baby. That's why you're so dumb.

**Cody: **Hey! We're smart! At least I am.

**Zack:** Hey! I want to know why you're always putting me down, Cody?

**Cody:** Because you're fat and the only thing you're good at is thinking you're a real big flirt with all of the other girls.

**Zack: **Well, at least I can actually talk to girls. You, on the other hand, are a mental retard when a girl says 'hi' to you. You with the green face over there.

**Aldarn: **Me?!?!?!?!?

**Zack:** Yeah, you. Say hi to Cody.

**Aldarn: **Okay. Hi, Cody.

**Cody:** Um, hi. See Zack, I can say hi to another girl.

**Zack: **That doesn't count because that was a boy. Kind of.

**Cody: **What?! Really? She's kind of cute!

**Zack:** What!?? What's the matter with you? My brother is so mental!!! At first he's socially retarded around other girls, and now he thinks that a boy is beautiful. I hope we're not related.

**Cody: **We are, you idiot! We're identical twins, remember? Only you're fat and I'm not. Ha ha ha!!!!!!

**Will:** Oh my gosh! Forget him! I want that nerdy kid who thought Aldarn was cute!

**Cornelia:** Shut up, Will. You need to stop paying attention to all of these stupid guys and focus on who's getting what parts In High School Musical 2! And I already know what part I'm going to get!

**Will:** Who?

**Cornelia: **Duh, Dora the Explorer turned into a hot blonde bombshell, that's who!!!

**Will:** NO! I need to kiss Caleb!!! You can turn into that Ashley-what's-her-face with the brother who's gay. We can replace everyone! Aldarn will be that weirdo hat guy!!!!

**Taranee:** Can we please hurry up? I'm getting really bored and I have a feeling that black-haired Barbie is going to come back soon! Plus I don't have many lines. Curse you, CDR!!!

**Zac:** Hey! You guys can hide in my closet!!

**Will: **Whatever. INTO THE CLOSET!!!!!!

* * *

Well, there's Chapter 5. Please review!!!!! And Zac tells you to review, too. Remember, hot guys dancing around in my head. Also, there are a few other dudes hanging out in my head, too. Garrett Hedlund who played Murtagh in Eragon. And a lot of vampires. And the guy who plays Jake Ryan on Hannah Montana. Plus, sometimes, another guy from real life pays a visit. And of course, Jack Sparrow gets bored and comes and messes with the other guys' heads. He got Zac drunk once. It was funny. They're all saying: REVIEW!!!!!!!!! (Okay, not Caleb, but he had a little too much orange juice/ peanut butter mix this morning. BLAME ZAC!!!) 


End file.
